Keeping your identity small

03 Jun, 2024

Pretty infuriating that the life you lead at 25, was decided by one or two decisions you took when you were 18. With a very little agency to themselves, students get slotted into funnels that they emerge out after 4 (or more) years. College and the choice of career, blankets an identity so strong, it would be painful to think of yourself without it. Many shifts in life are happening at the same age -- living away from family, finding new friends and relationships, thinking about the future, social comparison, the constant stress of not hustling and not enjoying life. We latch on to the identity, any one we can find to feel a sense of who we are. Fast forward to 25 (or 30) we have become someone -- an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer but we are not sure if we wanted that.

Becoming somebody before you wanted to become anybody is a downside. It makes it difficult to shed the identity and find a new one. I think the people who do great learn how to start from scratch every time something doesn’t work. They shed their identity of what they have been till now and get on with their new identity — forever amateurs. It’s an extremely difficult thing to do. If you come from a good family, study at a good school, or work at a good company, you are already someone, so the thought of becoming no one is frightening. The games you play are intended to prevent yourself from becoming “no one”. In that sense people who aren’t attached to any identity, have an advantage that they are free to become anyone. They flow quickly between things, and have an easy time making decisions because they don’t have to process the grief of losing their identity.

So keeping your identity small would be a good way to make it less stressful to change the course of life. You’re not a lawyer, engineer, doctor. You’re a 25 year old who has spent 7 years studying or working in law, engineering or medicine. You can have many more 7 years stints.